I was on my way home this evening. I was riding the bus, like I usually do, when I fell into one of those moments where you seem to be watching the sceneries pass by, when in reality, you are inside the world of your mind where thoughts just keep flowing and flowing and flowing. It was really fitting at the moment since the glass was decorated with the continuous pouring of the rain as the dark clouds create an ambiance of pure contemplation.
A few weeks ago, I have a read an article about how intelligent women tend to really deviate from the dating path and when they get near it, they have to lower their standards with the men they find to get to ride on that road. I honestly think this is true, not just for the women but for the men as well. But it really is in my nature to doubt even my own point of view and opinions in life that I have considered at that moment what other people might be saying about that belief and whether or not I’m right to think it’s true. Then I have remembered that three years ago, I have fallen deeply in love with a person who made me love without boundaries and standards. Why do people have standards anyway? It’s because we have feelings.
I believe that the root of the freedom of choice is actually the freedom of having feelings. Because why do we choose something anyway? Why do we prefer this over that? Isn’t it because we feel that it’s so right? And that’s exactly my point! We can’t help it if men and women are attracted to opposite sex with attractive faces, it’s what they’re feeling. It’s not wrong that certain people prefer white people, some prefer tanned, others dark. I don’t think there’s something wrong when a person gets attracted to smart, sporty, calm, popular, charming, bad boy/girl, gentle, simple, rich or average. I mean for each of us, it what feels so right! BUT…you know what I find amazing? It’s when you finally find that person and all of these things just… started to not matter. Because you know what? The only standard I truly believe in… is the standard of happiness.
I agree that people should have standards, only if we’re talking about happiness. I’ve actually experienced feeling that I have lowered my standards for some time a few months ago, and looking back at that, I kind of realized why certain people fall into the continuous loop of finding a new relationship then break up over and over and over. When someone comes into our lives that make us feel special with all the flowery words, deep gazes and suggesting gestures, we become so flattered and overcooked with happiness that we immediately view this person with positivity, thinking ‘this person really loves me’, when in reality we’re just making ourselves believe that they do. When someone that matches our ideal perspective in a partner, we immediately magnify into those good and attractive things, not realizing that we’re missing the big picture. Then when we get together with this person, we start to notice a few, small things that frustrate us with this person but we just ignore it and think IT DOESN’T MATTER. Honestly, how many times have you actually heard this from someone and some time later they blame you for the same reason they said didn’t matter?
The point is, these what i call ‘initial standards’ we find and notice with our potential mates have the tendency to change, they make us shudder in delight, sure, but this type of feeling deteriorates over time. I believe what really makes a relationship really frustrating is not when you lower your ‘initial standards’ but when you lower your happiness standards. It’s one of those times when something just snaps inside your feelings like you want to argue with this person but you choose to suck it in and let it go hoping it would never happen again. I mean if you really have a happy, working relationship, you would be able to settle these types of emotions because you two would have an understanding. But if you choose to brush it under the rug, soon you’ll find that huge pile of dirt and you won’t even remember there was a beautiful rug covering it because you’ll just be so full of anger you just want to throw them all out.
So in summary, all I’m saying is that the most important standard of any relationship is happiness. A doctor once said that beauty is strategic imperfection. That, I believe is the same as love. It is the element that strategically blends the imperfections of two people creating one, beautiful relationship.
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